Matters of the heart

It’s not a time to choose things that aren’t of the heart! You have to be true to your heart.

The heart can only endure so much dishonesty, so much dismissal. It’s not about mind thinking but heart thinking. It’s about feelings, it’s about reality, honesty, truth. In the heart, things are simple, straightforward and there’s only one choice to make. Always the heart has only one choice.

Come back

Three years, three months and twenty six days ago I was seriously wondering if the world had gone mad or if I was on the wrong planet.

It wasn't the first time that such thoughts had entered my mind but this time they really hit hard! Really hit home; my very core of existence or not! A set of experiences played out in my life that challenged every level of survival that existed to be challenged. Another story to be told, which hasn’t been told yet, in all its extensiveness and details.

On communication

People have been discussing for eons. They form round tables and squared tables, pedestals and rows of tables to discuss, punish, judge, separate, analyze. What have we accomplished?

No matter who’s right or how right he/she is, this sort of interaction will always end in a winner and a loser, a distance between the submitted and the suppressor; a separation of the world in black and white, right and wrong, wars and alienations.

A totally different level

Sorcery… sometimes called "spooky action"… or science... the starting point doesn’t really matter, nor does any definition we come to eventually. Because it’s all one synthesis anyway; unlinearized!

My teachers would love to correct my grammar, structure, spelling mistakes…

Enspirited

There is absolutely no reason why someone would want to wake up to the truth, instead of continuing to live like a zombie in society.

He won't have more money, more prestige, more friends, more security, more anything. This is a place of duality. Having goes with not having and neither is ensured by anything anyone believes or does.

Death is the full circle of birth. Whatever has a beginning has an ending too.

Giving up

When do you give up?

- When you’re giving more than you’re getting back?

- When the pain and the effort become too much to bare?

- When nothing you do seems to be having any beneficial results?

Ever Changing

Perhaps the easiest and mot difficult task I have undertaken is to write this blog-book, this memoir of my life, which cannot really be limited to words.

How awkward! Biographies are much more than we have assumed they are. 

They are much more than incidents, dates, names; the way we were taught His-story in school!

Illusions begone

How grateful should we be of life and how easy it is to forget!

How immature still, to realize only in moments of crises, when death knocks on our door or even the idea of this possibility meets with our mind.

To walk around like zombies, having no idea how we consciously create, how we are participating in life.

Impenitent

I have always asked the questions that normally people don’t even think of asking. Even if they do, many just ask them in philosophical circles, at specific gatherings but keep them way out of their personal, everyday lives and relationships.

My constant asking, seeking answers hasn’t changed since I was a child. And this is totally aligned with my practical life, no matter where it might mead me to or where I find myself to be, which I didn’t selectively seek or want.

Situations and questions that arouse much criticism, provoke the already installed fear of people and shake the elusive fundamental belief patterns, habits and unconscious rituals of old paradigms.

The power of words

When someone says, "everyone learns/understands in their own time", they don't really realize what they are saying, which is always very different than the words spoken.

Since most of us are still chasing time in some way or another, being also trapped in it, "in our own time" remains an excuse we use to avoid the present moment and our own individual sincere expression. We rarely speak our mind, we seldom reveal our truth, being stuck in the external chasing of linear time and the automization of concepts/words.

Deconstructing the old to create the new

There comes a time in your life - if you have been really seeking for truth - that you come face to face with some undeniable facts, which cannot be ignored anymore. Most people assume that they can just intellectualize truth, exchange ideas and study but keep their safe securities, their constructed lives, continuing to serve the very system that they want to exit from. We cannot, for all opposites must reconcile, everything hidden must surface, every lie must be revealed.

The more I learn about how this world is run, what everything really means, the more I realize how uneducated we are. I had already begun to realize (as I thought) quite a lot many years ago, but since my painful involvement with the system through my political disobedience case, one revelation after another of hidden knowledge destroys the world I thought we were living in.  Most of what I am discovering is so over-whelming that it's sometimes difficult to keep a clear-headed, holistic perception vs being sucked into the dark allies of our surface existence, named "civilized society". We are so in the dark thinking that we are educated, it's amazing to observe (and hold)!

A life worth living; grateful!

You can know something, when it doesn’t matter anymore…

Each day is a beginning and an ending, with so many beginnings and endings in between, that the “final curtain” doesn’t matter.

What we don’t embrace continues to haunt us.

What we deny persists.

What we accept and understand grows.

Life calls for deliverance of accusation, perhaps the ultimate exit from the matrices, so that we can exist within them lightly, expressing in wisdom.

Self vs Icons

There is no thesis without antithesis, no position without opposition. Accepting and over-riding both, births the new. 

The positive and the negative are also reversed, pressing for perception.

Don't assume an easy ride if what you started out for was freedom.

Friends will have the face of enemies and critics must lash out claiming their known ground. Each ache a test for your sincerity and innocence. Each agreement and ally a test for your ego's arrogance.

Nothing is ensured. Nothing is pre-specified. All opportunities remain open, all hells boil up. 

Awakening

Fear. The ascendant, dominating emotion.

The fear to shift, the need to preserve and defend. 

The control of the lower instincts.

This world is running on the lower instincts and the lower mind.

Not sure if people should awaken. They are definitely trying to control and monitor this "awakening". Maybe they should be left to their dream.

No Identity

The matrix wants you to sink in negativity, pity, Self-doubt (not the same as self-doubt). 
Words don't form easily anymore, when you begin to decode its secrets. They have all already been used to code the reality you have adopted.

It feels like you're sinking in time, blackness, exhaustion, anger, disgust, hatred; it's all there, no matter how much you attempt to hide or control it.

You first have to recognize where you are. You can't pretend not to be there.

It can always go lower, deeper. Because it can always go a lot higher. Why have we believed that it can't? That there is a "bottom" that we touch? A childish belief that we need to cling to.

Mystical pathways

Linear thinking doesn’t have the same mechanisms, logic, understanding, as the deeper, non-limited higher mind. Words have also different vibrations on different levels of consciousness.

You have to want to access your deeper/higher mind. It doesn’t come “naturally”, neither is it “on display”, so that you may “chose from”. That wanting has to be a deep burning, a yearning like no other, which will aid you in passing the layers of linear mind, remain devoted through the trials and barriers and passionate enough to be disciplined and humble yet self-respecting through the process.

Happiness

Happiness has very little to do with being happy or sad. It's not an emotional state, for emotions change, come and go, and all are welcome and accepted equally. 

"Happiness" is not even a correct word, for it belongs to the mind's concepts, fears, desires, beliefs, categorizations. Neither is "joy", "bliss" or any other word the correct one, for they each have their opposites, are already interpreted by the linear mind, excluding as much as they contain. The collective consciousness has yet to discover a term that best describes this much deeper state that virtual realities and the linear mind cannot reach.

Alone

So much to think about, to be creative, to help you!
But most of your thoughts are like trying to catch a falling star. They're so quick and so many. You blink and they're gone.

But you have been taught to "quieten your mind", to "stop your thoughts"...

If you're not familiar with and in tune with your own Mind, don't tell me what else you have mastered.

"Something to show". But what if what you have to show doesn't belong to this space-time? What if it cannot yet be seen, let alone be evaluated or categorized?

An all-powerful defense mechanism

The mind is selective. 

That’s a fact, not a preference. 

It’s the fundamental quality of individuation; the very reason of space-time creation. 

Every organ in an orchestra makes up the orchestra and the music it produces. There is much more in this simplified statement…

The art of existence begins AFTER the conscious realization of this fact.

The Return

The return... We must return. From "the same" path that we entered.

The return will be quicker, much quicker. The climb up was long, hard, beautiful and agonizing. The return will be purely apocalyptic. There comes a time/realization that future and past are the same, can be known.

I recognize the pathways. I walked, climbed, crawled, jumped, paved them myself.

People have so many misconceptions about “menopause” (what a word!), “aging”, “life”, “youth”… Thus society celebrates and respects none...

What a journey! Our words can’t yet find correct descriptions.
As I am contracting, so I am expanding. As I am withdrawing from society, so am I relating, communicating with/for those who understand.