Understanding does not mean submit to them, or give upon them or let them be “who they are”, for they do not know who they are yet. They need your help to focus, understand, accept and express themselves. Understanding takes some effort, but not I the sense that you understand the word.
The ego understands “effort” as something difficult, tiring and sometimes unrealistic. The “effort” that I mean here involves willingness more than anything else. The willingness to shift your perception, to “enter” their mind and reality and to realize what is going on in there, what it means, what benefits and positive aspects you can identify with… through experience.
An ADHD child exists in a different reality. Time and space take on different meanings, not only in a general way, but EVERY time. Forcing them out of their perceived time-space reality in a cruel or abrupt manner gives them a totally wrong interpretation of themselves, and they are thrown automatically to self-judgment and self-rejection. That is when you have lost the game of communication and any opportunity of connecting, understanding and gaining from them. That is how you submit them to being “normal”, like everyone else, which they know, deep inside, that it is a lie.
Reverse all that you have been told and all that you have been doing. It is not easy, but it is worth it. It is not normal, but it is truth.