When I stand back and put everything in a wider perspective, it's obvious to me that it is not i who leads my life but an intelligence far greater than the mind can grasp.
Ιt doesn't matter whether i say "yes" or "no" to something. It's a "yes" if it's meant to be a yes, no matter what i or anyone else thinks, no matter what seems to be happening, no matter how much time is needed for the "yes" to manifest, as "time" is a conception, irrelevant to this level of perception. And no power of this world or anywhere else can change that, no matter how much is "exposed", insisting on the opposite.
Daring to name this intelligence, this wisdom, is arrogant and fool's play as is any attempt to restrict it to descriptions, restrictions and traits is always trivial. Much larger than life as we know it, it is both absolutely personal; knowing every detail and every aspect of my life in the woven tapestry of time, including of course all that i don't know and haven't realized. And at the same time it is totally distant, detached and impersonal of the games of thought, all/any roles of any play, non-sentimental and unshakable in its all-knowing Will and connection with All that Is.
The tragedy of the human experience is that you cannot define or describe it. You CAN lift yourself as high as to experience moments of this "bliss", knowledge and connection, you CAN realize its presence, its all-seeing eye in your life, you CAN flow through life trusting it's will and the interventions that you would have no way of knowing, controlling or manipulating. You CAN know but you cannot see what you long to see with your physical eyes. You cannot share what you experience in every cell of your body, every intelligence of your mind, every poetic wisdom of your heart, with anyone. You are alone in this grand, vast presence of total connectivity, absolute peace and timeless expression. And yet, it's real, it's unforgettable and non-mistakable.
But none of this is granted, given, allowed to fools of prayer, begging and/or attempts to behold by means of human deceit, which reigns amongst common men, even in "higher" ranks. You have to emerge deep into the Tartans of the dreams, you have to remain totally devoted to expressing truth as best as your ability permits, no matter what that costs you or who/how many are with you. You have to burn with desire like no other desire can touch or manipulate your attention.
You have to remain a "humble worker", no matter how much you acquire, how far you've seen, how deep the realization of your granted (worthy) "permission" to BE; where no words can exist, no feelings can express, no amount of training or any attempts can give you that power of being in the presence of the indescribable, non-definable essence/intelligence, which may last just fractions of a moment, minutes or hours but is enough to fill years and every corner of your heart and mind forever.
And then, your whole life changes, although it seems the same to others, even to you at times. You have everything, though it seems that you have nothing. You are one with everyone and everything around you although you seem distant, isolated and alone. Free from personally controlling your needs, you can gracefully and in humility ride the waves of everyday life, knowing that you can be criticized, rejected, adored, followed, deprived, given... but that none of this can uproot or break that gift of knowing of the true meaning of love, which is widely unknown, marketed and unreachable.
Magically, it seems to the lower mind, you walk the steps of life, remaining small and ignorant. And yet, in daring certainty, you lift one foot without seeing whether a ground will exist to place it down on or an abyss will throw you into the unknown. And only in that humble certainty, only in that daring all-trusting movement, is your path lightened with true (not fake) light. But only the very next step, for anything more would deprive you of your next devoted, courageous movement of your other foot, and would defy the laws that cannot be broken.
Before this, nothing else can have meaning. Nothing else can fill your heart, no matter how it seems at times or what you show to the world. Remember that you cannot prove, wear your knowing on your sleeve, change your appearance, sit on a man-made throne or manipulate truth in any way. There is absolutely nothing worldly that you have to gain from acquiring it.
Your mythical wealth cannot be displayed. your experience cannot be shared, your knowing cannot be documented or studied. You cannot be discharged/liberated of your duties. Your words will be misinterpreted by the swine and the ignorant, while they will also be worshiped by the manipulated. The beggars will plead for your power and glory. But you can only serve the worthy; the workers, the humble, the true seekers. To the others, you remain invisible, unimportant, crazy, lost, wrong, naive, small.
But everything will have changed and continues to change: history, meaning, life, love, words, relationships, circumstances, as you make your way through physical life. The revelations, the awe, the magic, the stars in your eyes, the sparks of wisdom surfacing to your lips, the hidden connections and embraces of your heart, all remain unseen, undetectable, except to those who have equally seen/known for themselves, in their lives, in their experience.
You are nobody and yet, you have everything.