February 14, 2014
Nothing is changing, nothing is moving, nothing real is being created. But the real challenge is not in what this one part of me can see or realize. Besides, how can I prove it wrong? I need to be willing to see and realize its viewpoint, its disappointment, its purposelessness.
Can I remain? Am I willing to see what the other part of me is seeing without wanting to run away, without needing to change everything by taking a sponge and wiping it all away in fear and arrogance? That is my first challenge.
Can I remain silent, while I feel the reality perceived, while Ι experience the emotions linked with a very common and persuading truth, which is presented to every cell, right to the core of my being?
And then what?
Silence, emptiness, nothingness, or so it seems!
I mustn’t be afraid of the silence. My head is swirling and yet I need to remain. I have nothing to say. I am caught in a reality that I cannot deny. It truly exists. All those who pretend not to see it, even though they are experiencing it, seem courageous, but I know that they are not. They are trying to con themselves but they are not succeeding. I can see that.
And then, out of the silence, another image emerges…
Right there, in the stillness of the swirling mind, I realize what I couldn’t see before; in the moments that seem endless time. I have separated myself and for a while couldn’t realize the separation that was taking control of me. There IS another me; the dreamer.
The mind is even more puzzled than before.
The knower… who?
The one who knows all the moves, who chose the path.
But wait… I know Her too…
She thought the steps before they happened, she knows without having to see with her physical eyes. The one who puzzles others more than anything else; Why did you call me? How did you know? Where did you come from? How long have I really known you?
And sometimes she disappears again, even from my own perception. But I’m not afraid of her “absence” anymore. I need to choose, I need to remember to choose, to call her in. I need to remember to make that choice each moment.
And then I realize, she never leaves; she loves to play hide and seek and test my will.
Together we create wonders. She has magical tools that exceed anything known to “civilized” man. I choose to follow, to retain contact and existing through this unique space of love, which transforms all that seem static and pointless and wrong… she knows better. I just wouldn’t exchange her knowing for the world!
So, I lovingly embrace my other self, who sees and experiences pain; after all... she's been through a lot, and her offerings are unique and amazingly creative to the dreamer, the knower who walks with us...