It’s inevitable… and the face of death is harsh… don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Everyone wants to talk only of life and pretend that death doesn't exist. A big taboo that is still feared and avoided. But death exists on this plane of existence, where we are called to realize not only our spirituality but also our humanity! It’s the other side of birth, which includes and does not reject life.
Each time we lose someone we love, a part of us dies, as a part of us is reborn with each birth or beginning. The pain is as strong as the connection you had, the bond that made the relationship come alive; the love that makes this final departure painful.
You mourn. You have to mourn. Not for the life lost for life is never-ending and never lost. You mourn for your loss, for your inadequacy to intervene, to prolong, to change the unchangeable. Peculiar as it may sound, you mourn for the good times too; the sharing, the laughter and the vivid memories that flash through your mind and heart. You mourn in gratitude and respect for the gift of experience, the unmistakable, irreplaceable opportunity of temporary giving and exchanging of emotions, coming together and connecting beyond form.
Death is only to the senses and the body… but they are real and have to be allowed to touch the core of your existence. That is how you know life… That is how you are never the same again.
When you are connected with each other, you somehow always know… Before the final hour, going back later on, you realize that you had both known. There is nothing that you can do, but you know. It’s the spirit preparing you for what you are about to experience. Your mind doesn’t want to accept it, and tries to rationalize, but you cannot keep from knowing. It’s a cataclysmic experience that will shake your immediate and long-term plans unavoidably.
The pain hurts immensely, more than any physical pain that you can remember. The hours will seem endless, unmoved by time. But you can’t look away. You mustn’t. It’s the same as birth. If you try to “kill” the pain, it will haunt you and the lack of experience will be written on your psyche. You must not be afraid of pain. It will drain you but it will transform you. It will take away from you but it will generously give you back. It will draw the life out of you, it will offer you new breath.
When you witness that very last (or first) breath, you really understand your life, and what is truly precious within it. There are no more times wasted, no more unspoken words, no deprived acts of kindness. Can we know that each moment and not forget it? I do hope so… one day!
We will keep our memories intact. We don’t forget, we learn. We don’t turn away, we face. We connect and we share and then we leave and the bonding and the love remains… It’s a place in our heart, untouchable by time, which we cherish and transform, in our next beginning, our dawning rebirth…
The next day, is your biggest challenge. Initially you can’t understand or digest that the rest of the world seems to be walking on by, continuing to live, without you. The sun doesn’t shine as bright; you are living in another time-space zone… Everything seems strange and distant. You feel like a zombie, unable to connect. How can you? You feel torn apart and disconnected. You feel lost and shattered with grief. Nothing makes sense, nothing should be as it is. No time for philosophy or New Age crap. Your self knows better... trust yourself. Ride through it... allow yourself, be yourself.Forget about your image, it doesn't matter.
Children are so wise if we would not impose our own fears on them. Let them see death, let them touch who they love and have lost. They need to connect and know. They need truth above all. Why don't adults realize this? Children will surely amaze you! Each one will react differently but they all understand birth and death intuitively. They will have questions that you must answer in plain honesty...not through your beliefs but only through that which you KNOW. (I have written many times that believing are not the same as knowing).
Don't think that one day "you will forget" because you won't. You do not have to "try" to hold on to the memory and the love by repeating the play inside you, tormenting yourself with the revival of each tragic moment. The pain of loss, the bond achieved with your loved one, the love you shared, the emptiness... all this and much more, is already a part of you. It has all BECOME you; a part of who you are.
Then, you move on... according to your level of consciousness and the "work" you have done with yourself. I know, that after each such experience, I come out stronger, wiser, more compassionate and understanding but also more confident, less willing to take fake relationships, delusional theories, useless habits or attitudes. I also find that I have become even more intuitive than I had been, more able to "pierce reality" and see the matrix clearer... can anything "good" come out of dearth? Oh yes! But only if you allow your pain to go through you, only if you are willing to work on and release all your limiting beliefs and guilt.