You won't make it. You are more likely to end your life the way you started it; ignorant and miserable.
Your pathetic attitude of asking for help when, in reality, you wish to remain exactly where and as you are is undeniably evident.
All this talk of "love", your deep-rooted dependence on those and that which you (secretly) loathe, is cunningly manipulative.
You expect to be "sweet talked" and you hide behind robotic "good manners" and social ethics to avoid being honest, revealing who you really are.
You despise anyone who shows you the hidden parts of yourself and speaks to in a way you would never accept as your own.
Your angels and false gods, your greedy prayers and self-hatred make you vulnerable but "loved" by your kind.
The false beliefs you call "awakening" make you even more blind than you already are; you speak of "love" but are ready to reject, you speak of "peace" but accusation is in your heart, you seek "justice" and "truth" yet you hide and pity those who are not like you.
All your habits and victim-like reactions provide you with the energy you need to continue worshiping the physical body which you hate and feed off those who equally are blinded of their contribution.
You are in reality terrified of the truth that you seek. These words provoke your anger, pity, hatred, criticism... everything you are desperately trying to hide.
This is your dark side.
I am who you can accuse of showing it to you or who you can blame (or pity) for being "lost in ignorance".
The harder choice would be to reveal it to your Self...