October 25, 2013

Why I am so “obsessed” with self-observation

 There is nothing else that you really need to look for or do, if you really learn to observe yourself and life. Everything that you will ever need, can be found in this plethora of information. Self-observation will reveal to you that all this is much more than you can comprehend or take in, at once.

I do not care to find the reason why we are not taught this at a very early stage, looking for answers in the past and blaming others or myself. That would be a big waste of energy for nothing, leading me nowhere. My time of interest is the present, which forms the future. That which I care about is who I am right now and what I am doing.

I also know, through years of observation that no one has the right answers for me and no one can tell me who to be or what to do but my own Self. [People still confuse the "Self" with the programming of the ego. The "Self" is your Ego without the programming (beliefs, interpretations of experiences, opinions, world and social views) of your structured identity, in connection with your Spirit. You will not fully grasp this differentiation until you have experienced it for yourself. Capitalizations and words have meaning when used.] For this reason, I understood early on, that I had nothing more important and more urgent to do but to claim this inner communication, to find out who I really am and to access my highest knowledge and wisdom, above everything else (and also in spite of everything else).

Yes, it is true that "the price you pay" is extremely high as the choices you make along the way separate you from the herd, your ego's comfort zone and make fear your initial permanent companion... until your acquire inner union, until you learn to trust life, until you surrender to Your own wisdom. Yet the alternative - being "normal", fitting in, following society thinking that I have choice but in reality remaining miserable and less than I can be, was no real challenge. I was petrified of the idea of living a life without purpose, of feeling lost and always unfulfilled. I accepted the challenge and never looked back.

Today I feel that I am simultaneously existing in the matrix while at the same time observing it. l am my roles, knowing when I am playing them truthfully while realizing that I am also the consciousness observing and evolving, with every co-creation. I am at peace within, perfectly still and joyful, in harmony with Life while at the same time I am passionate, spontaneous and honest on the outside.

Does this make me "perfect" or "enlightened"? These days I just laugh with ego-concepts such as these and gracefully continue doing what it was I was doing anyway, whether I am washing the dishes, teaching, writing or playing with my child.

The paranoia, the misinformation, the reversed truths, the propaganda, the ignorance still bother me when my energy levels drop below "heightened awareness" but now I realize that this is part of my purpose of being here. When it gets "too much" to swallow, I know I need to "go within" (this is an entirely practical process not yet fully understood or grasped on a large scale), to seek wisdom through expanded perception and guidance from my Self's knowing. Only then, can I know what to do and how to go about it.

Although I have studied many teachers and informed myself of different methods, teachings and practices, I always return to the simplest, most profound truths, which have meaning to our everyday living and can be accessed by anyone. What always amazes me is that the answers, the solutions, the original creations are always waiting for us the minute we decide to focus on them. The truth is never hidden, although the belief that it is hidden from us is a strong and persisting one. It is always easier to blame someone or something else than accepting responsibility. Yet even this has been reversed and abused.

Responsibility is not about blame, guilt, punishment or reward. Quite the opposite; being responsible is about acceptance, letting go of beliefs, accepting challenges and following your heart.

…Still not understood by the mind that blinds us, all my articles are open to interpretation, according to the consciousness that “reads”.

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